Sad

I'm kind of in a rut right now in my life. I'm so over my job, which I took as an act of desperation. I can't find a new job that I really like and believe me, I've been on interviews monthly for all of 2007. I think my sadness stems from when my family crumbled to pieces 3 years ago, and I just repressed my emotions instead of dealing with them. I know the whole world gets divorced, but it really hit me hard because I didn't see it coming. My loving family turned into two vicious sides, and I was forced to pick one. I picked my mom's side because I was living with her and my dad was forced out of the house with a restraining order. I couldn't pick my dad's side while living with my mom, there was just no way. My sister tried to do that and it was miserable with daily fights. That was the end of it with my dad and me. He said some of the worst things a father can say to their child. He said I never helped him, I picked my mom's side, and that he wasn't walking me down the aisle. That last bit struck a huge chord with me. I had been seeing my boyfriend for a year and getting to the point where I was imagining what it would be like to be married. To have your father tell you he's not walking you down the aisle!!! He also met this bitch that he moved in with literally one month after this all went down. My parents didn't get divorced until a year later. I remember I had to go to a MOTHER'S DAY breakfast with my dad's side of the family right after he met HER, and he brought HER to it, where we met for the first time. She looked like an uglier, skankier version of my mom. My grandmother defeatedly said "Do you mind if she's here?" I said no, but in my heart I was saying YES! I do mind! He's trying to replace my mom! I felt like I was watching a movie of someone else's life. My mom was to blame too but for some reason I can forgive her. I don't know why, but I feel compassion for her mistakes and the harsh words my father used on me leaves me numb to him. He left me alone for all of last year and recently he's starting to bother me again by calling and leaving messages. I just delete them without listening so I don't know what he wants. I can't let this hold me down and prevent me from making the changes I need in my life to make me happy. I hope something good comes my way soon.